In the astrology of today, I’m in a Leo profection year and Venus is retrograde in my 12th house. As Saturn is retrograde in Pisces on my descendant, and as Pluto is retrograde in Capricorn in my 5th house and squaring my natal Jupiter in Aries in the 8th house, I thought it was time for some astrological reflection and emotional closure. I may have mentioned before that I used the January 10, 2020 Eclipse to end a long-term romantic relationship. This is probably one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done, if only because I didn’t understand the magnitude of this time in mundane astrology. But life is a great teacher, and so please, learn from my cosmic hubris.
The immediate and lasting consequences to this break-up have been: the joy of freedom and the unknown, the terror of freedom and the unknown, making new friends and strengthening the bonds of existing friendships, adopting a cat, quitting a job, enjoying unemployment, studying astrology formally with Sam Reynolds and my amazing Nitty Gritty 1-3 cohort, becoming a professional astrologer, getting a new non-profit day job, and freedom from the guilt of lying to myself about my feelings and desires. Because every natal chart and every eclipse is different, if you do happen through design or divine accident go down this path (which, I think many of us have), know that everyone’s eclipse story is different. All I can do is tell you one of mine and hope to illuminate the difficult times we are in and will get through.
My love of astrology started when I was 14, but my pursuit of it as a profession didn’t start until 2020, after this break-up. By the time this relationship had ended, the love was long gone, but I needed a catalyst to get me out of my fear of change. In December 2019, all of the difficulties my family had gone through that year were finally beginning to recede. I felt like I had to hold myself together while everyone else was still finding their footing. The issue was that no one was holding me together, and I wanted my partner to be that person for me, but we just were not able to be there for each other.
I found comfort, as I always have, in reading horoscopes and astrology books. I loved Chani Nicholas’s emails that she sent before the CHANI app existed. And as I was crying, totally undone by a last straw provocation from my partner, I read the January 2020 forecast email that suggested if you wanted to break away from something once and for all, early January was a powerful time to irrevocably break and change relationships for Virgo risings, as everything went down in our 5th house in the sign of Capricorn. I am paraphrasing because I cannot find this email in my inbox anymore! But I really wanted this break up to stick, and although I knew a fair bit about reading natal charts and relationship astrology, I really didn’t understand transits and especially the power of eclipses.
On top of that, we all didn’t know how serious Covid-19 and the pandemic would become. Personally, I came out ok from the early years of covid, and I know that is such a privilege. But I think my decision to leave this relationship and all the work I did for myself in therapy in 2019 really got me through that time.
Layering Astrological Techniques
In order to analyze past experiences, and compare and predict future experiences, astrologers today have many predictive techniques to choose from. I’ve looked at this year of my life from February 9, 2019 to February 9, 2020 through many different ancient and modern techniques, but I have found the most richness and emotional self-understanding through the layered, interlocking techniques that are the foundation of medieval Islamic astrology. I am going to go through each technique, and adding my lived experience. If I repeat myself, I’m emphasizing what the technique shows and a different side of the same thing.
I have primarily learned these timing techniques in the medieval tradition from my teacher, Sam Reynolds1, and the furthering of them in the advanced methods I learned from Dr. Ali A Olomi’s translations of medieval Islamic astrologers on his patreon. As astrologers also seek counsel from colleagues, I have received interpretations of these techniques as they apply to my chart from Óscar Moisés Díaz and Michelle Craft. I want to especially thank Michelle for patiently helping me pull this all together with the actual detailed transit times and interpretations. Please go book with these wonderful and wise astrologers! Final note: if you want the full picture of these techniques, subscribe to Dr. Olomi’s patreon. I have not outlined details of certain techniques to protect his research, which deserves your support.
The Annual Profection: The Aries Year
Most astrologers are familiar with this simple ancient timing technique in which, starting from the sign of your ascendant, you have a sign for each year of your life. At age zero, starting from the first year of life, for me is Virgo, and as of February 9, 2019, I was 31 and in an Aries year. While we often use the houses to describe profections, it is a sign-based technique. Yes, Aries is my 8th house, and so you would think that I would not be the main character in this year. Of course, everyone’s chart is different, and my planets congregate in dark houses. An Aries year will take on the significations of the sign, any planets in that sign, and the person’s natal Mars placement. Common themes of an Aries year are striving and strife, severing what doesn’t serve you, and focusing on the individual self and desires.
Natal Mars in Sagittarius
With predictive techniques, we always look to planetary rulership in a person’s natal chart to assess the qualities and events that will happen within a time frame. For me personally, my Mars is in Sagittarius at 21°38’ in the 4th house. Also in my 4th house you can find my: IC at 2°41’, my Part of Fortune at 16°25’, and my Saturn at 29°39’ and Uranus at 29°47’ conjunction ending the last degree of Sagittarius with a bang. Mars in Sagittarius in my experience, just wants the best for everyone. I will turn over every rock to know how something works, and once I lose interest, or find a new quest, I run towards it at full speed. The good faith of Jupiter and the well-intentioned honesty that still stings are at the root of me.
My Mars delights the most in a mutual reception with Jupiter in Aries applying at 3°09’ which strengthens my faith and wonder in the world. In my life, this mutual reception means many things, but in this timeframe, I kept searching for my old feelings. I tried new things, I went on trips, I tried so hard to get myself back to some past version of contentment that I knew was gone. I can’t explain how physical this absence felt and how I searched everywhere but in myself to understand it.
In 2019, my Mars-Jupiter mutual reception was about the reckoning and reconciliation of years of codependency within myself and my relationships. But to break these patterns meant a reckoning with the way I conducted my life. I never complained to friends about my relationship unhappiness, preferring to complain about my parents or my job. The 4th house, the house that most commonly represents parents, is the sign of my father’s Sun. My mother and I share a moon sign in Scorpio. The interplay of Mars and Jupiter are big enough to encompass both familial and romantic stories and how in my life the health of one depends on the other.
My father’s alcoholism came to the forefront around the time of my first romantic relationship when I was 15. I think in that first formative experience I conflated love and intimacy as witnessing pain and covering for those I loved who were in pain. When I was ready in 2019 to leave this outwardly stable, adult relationship, I felt I had no justification for it. My feelings had never been a determining factor in how my life went before, they weren’t enough on their own. I did what I had subconsciously learned in my young adulthood, I virtuously and silently suffered. I think this guilt and shame around these behaviors kept me in this relationship. I thought my friends would hate my weakness. I am so glad I was wrong.
Mars Ruled Placements and the Rest of my Natal Chart
In my immediate family, I am the odd person out for not having a tight conjunction of Venus and Jupiter. Instead, my Venus is at 0°32’ Aries and my Jupiter at 24°48’. My chart, as my friend Dee said, is “bouncy” with most planets connected by positive aspects through my Sun-Mercury conjunction in Aquarius. Yet, as our friend Lori said same night, my Venus “has lasers” referring to Venus in Aries squaring Mars, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. Is it more fortunate that Mars, Saturn, and Uranus are in Sagittarius? Maybe, but it isn’t easy to live out this tension every day and to reign in my Martian intensity and Jupiterian drama. With an exact square between Venus and Saturn, it is difficult for me to break out of relationships, even when I know they are wrong for me. And this extends into other relationships too.
My Moon in Scorpio also echoes this intensity and is well-resourced to wallow. With both luminaries in fixed signs, and Pluto conjoined my luminary of sect, the Moon, this aspect brings all the familiar songs of obsession, jealousy, and fixation on the problems of others. The ruler of the 3rd house in the 4th manifests in the way I was brought up to think that through faith, I could not only save myself, but others. I’ve talked about my childhood and family circumstances in my other newsletters.
The Switching of the Fardars
The technique of Firdaria, which translates from Persian by way of Greek, essentially as “period”, is a timing technique that divides periods of a life using the Chaldean order of planets, and then dividing those periods by 7 for sub-periods to determine the helper. Day charts start with the Sun as the first planet, and night charts like me start with the Moon as the first planet. As Dr. Olomi outlines in his introduction to his translations on the Fardars “Think of your life like a book; the fardars are the different chapters with distinct themes while the annual lords are the different paragraphs or perhaps the fardars are like the scriptwriters and directors of a play while the annual lords are the actors. In this way the Firdariyyah are true chronocrators.” From Ali A. Olomi’s introduction to the post Fardar of the Moon.
Because each planet has a different amount of time that it’s in charge, the fardars can encompass less uniform amounts of time, and used with other calendar based timing techniques and as Dr. Olomi writes “The integration of Firdariyyah into astrology was the missing key which brought disparate and often contradictory techniques into a complete system. This was seamlessly adopted into the Islamicate world where the fardars would become the key to unlocking the system of interpretation and prediction which become the hallmark of the golden age of astrology.”
Starting in May of 2018, I was in my last Jupiter period and in a Saturn sub-period. During this time, I was at the height of uncertainty with myself and very ashamed that I couldn’t move myself to change anything. I was in a Pisces year, and I threw myself into doing whatever my partner wanted at the cost of my own happiness.
While contemplating this difficult period of my life, I was listening to The Luminaries In and Out of Sect Podcast, hosted by SP Hall and the guest for the Gemini Moon in Sect is my friend, Suprensory Shahir. Shahir also has a wonderful interview series Venus Embodiment, and also writes one of my favorite newsletters. They were reflecting on some of their pieces on Instagram, and I was reminded of their piece on the Eight of Cups, the tarot card that corresponds to the 1st decan of Pisces.
As Shahir said, “The…8 of Cups in the Smith-Rider-Waite tarot is a person-in-red moving towards the unknown-upward terrain, leaving the stability of 8 cups behind them because we are no longer nourished from those libations. Cups are representations of inner-emotional-fulfillment or rather spiritual fulfillment in Pisces, and to abandon things that have made us joyful require so much inner strength and wisdom.”
After I re-read Shahir’s piece, I thought of one of my favorite Feist songs, “The Limit to Your Love” and that sadness of seeing someone else’s capacity for love no longer matching your own. I do believe love is limitless, it’s my own fault in that way, I guess. My last Jupiter lesson steeped in the bounds of Saturn. And yet, I couldn’t see how yet to abandon my past joy. Because as much hurt as there was in this relationship, there was deep love. But if we are clinging to linear ideals of progress, we can only cling tighter in fear and comfort to an empty cup. After the grace of a few years, I think that Saturn ruling this decan is about absolute endings, too. You leave only after you have tried every possible way to stay, and when the cup is dry, you have no choice but to move on.
The key to me moving on came in the end of this Jupiter Firdaria period, when my 2019 Solar Return was activated by the next layer of techniques, monthly profections and continuous profections, as translated and taught by Dr Ali A. Olomi. These techniques are based on assessing the Solar Return for the year along with the natal chart as testimony, so we will start there.
When I was learning how to read Solar Return charts in Nitty Gritty 2, I realized that my 2019 SR chart stood out in many ways. As I mentioned before, with the use of annual profections, 2019 was my Aries year, which natally is my 8th house. Mars in the Solar Return chart was in Aries, separating from a conjunction to my natal Jupiter in Aries. I was surprised to find that Jupiter in the Solar Return chart was in Sagittarius, applying to a conjunction with my natal Mars. These simultaneous transits gave me a separating push from Mars, and a big basket of supplies for my journey from Jupiter.
However, for most of this Solar Return year, I was confused if I should stay in this relationship. The year before I felt I had poured everything I had into doing whatever my partner said he wanted. By day I could pretend I was ok, but I couldn't sleep at night, or I would wake up from panic attacks in my sleep. And I could feel that some serious things were happening in my family, but no one wanted to talk about it. My sisters planned a vacation when I told them I was busy with work, and that I couldn’t plan around a college president’s inauguration. They booked it anyway and looked confused when I told them I could only come for the weekend. One sister was mad about the entire trip and would only talk to the children. Meanwhile, my parents continued to evade questions about their health, not wanting to upset us with serious test results.
Unfortunately, I was used to all of this. I pushed aside my feelings until they dissipated or became rage. I don’t always regret my anger, but now I regret letting it go so far. It’s a dynamic that has changed a lot in my family since this time. I don’t think it’s easier, but I understand my family better even if I am still frustrated and bitter about my childhood sometimes.
The Break Up
Now we get into the specific timings of this year. According to Dr. Olomi, the technique of Monthly Profections is like the minute hand on a clock and continuous profections are the second hand. They work in tandem, but on different scales. In order to make predictions or analyze past events, you use your birthday as the start of that month. The month I want to highlight starts after August 9, 2019 in which my monthly profection was ruled by Libra, my natal 2nd house, opposite my natal Venus and Jupiter in Aries.
In August 2019, my partner and I went to go to our usual Tuesday trivia game with friends, and another couple on the team announced their engagement. I was truly happy for them, but as a person who has always prided myself on not being jealous, I was inwardly enraged and jealous. I didn’t even want to get married. I didn’t like my partner! I think marriage is a trap! But I was so jealous of two people who could happily admit their love to their friends. Because it felt like every time I asked my partner to choose me, or even every time he asked me to choose him, we were both too afraid and acted out. So, we fought. The next week, we fought for so long in the parking lot before trivia that we turned around and went home.
The Continuous Profection and 9th Part of the Moon together really highlight how this time was a turning point for me. When the dodecatemoria of the continuously profected ascendant is in the same sign of your natal chart angles, they signal a peak time, when things culminate. Not only was the dodecatemoria in Sagittarius, my 4th house, it was in the house of my natal Mars is that rules my Venus. Crucially, the 9th part of the moon was also Venus. With the reconciliatory nature of Libra ruling this month, I used this time to reach out to a therapist. My ex did not even consider going to therapy, probably because of my papering over our issues into being just about me. He did not want to get married or buy a house with me because I wasn’t responsible enough by his standards, so why did he need to talk to someone?
So, I went to therapy alone and while in the Solar Return chart, while yes, Jupiter was in Sagittarius in the SR 11th house, Venus was in Capricorn along with Saturn, Pluto, and the South Node in the SR 12th house and my natal 5th house. My therapist’s office became a safe space, an underground shelter from my relationship issues.
Also, as a person trained in modern astrology, as we get into new techniques, I still look cross-reference with transits and I would like to note that the day I met with my therapist for the first time, the Sun was on my ascendant in Virgo.
The next three months in that year were also significant, but more related to my siblings and things that are not my story to tell. I was still in the early stages of trying to get past my anger to uncover my true feelings, and I felt that I absolutely couldn’t burden anyone in my family by leaving my partner at this point. I know, that sounds insane. But in my mind, I was helping my family by being supportive of their crises and putting mine on the back burner. When I reached out for help to move and right after the break-up, I felt so guilty for not confiding in my loved ones. I tried to give myself grace for not reaching out, and to trust the people who loved me with my problems.
In waiting from August to December to end this relationship, I did have a chance to see how my partner tried to provoke me into anger as I navigated conflict without resorting to anger first. And he was there to sort of comfort me through some of my family’s tough times.
But one day, he cracked, although not enough for him to end things. Never wait for another person to be done with you. Just leave them, they want and feel they deserve suffering like this. As I became a person who didn’t want to cause my own suffering anymore, I really had to let go of him so he could figure that out for himself, if he needed to.
At the end of December, while I was still on holiday break from work, he lit into me for absolutely no reason. I was trying to take a picture of myself to buy a cheap pair of glasses online, and he said that I took horrible pictures and I could have practiced for years but I was lazy and unphotogenic on purpose. I tried to talk it out with him, but he was on a roll and kept going. I don’t really remember what else he said. I cried the entire time. I cried the next day when he was at work.
I told someone at a New Year’s Eve party that night that I thought I had reached my limit with him, but I don’t think they understood, and they were his friends so I didn’t explain, I was just saying goodbye. I would have cried New Years Day, but he was there, so I watched Lord of the Rings and ate Cheez-Its. I went to a therapy appointment the next day. When I said I was going to break up with my partner, my therapist said “YES” completely unconsciously, and I loved her for it.
In December, which was a Month of Destiny, my monthly profection was in Aquarius and in my continuous profection, Saturn was conjoined Mercury. The Month of Destiny is determined when the ruler of the dodecatemoria of the continuously profected ascendant matches the 9th part of the moon. The dodecatemoria was Taurus, and the 9th part of the moon was in Venus, again, another relationship turning point. The Solar Return 1st house is Aquarius, where my natal Sun and chart ruler, Mercury are, so again, the self and self-determination are highlighted. Now that I was ready to leave, my therapist wanted me to plan how I would leave and when to tell him. Who could help me leave and then move? Do I have a place to stay?
I started calling friends that day, and even went so far as to delete our texts and ask for their secrecy. I was absolutely done. I didn’t want to live with him trying to talk me into staying or have him stall or retaliate. This was no longer a conversation I was interested in, and I was actually very tired of listening to him. The bestial nature of my Sagittarius placements were ready to run. The plan came together in a week, and as for picking a day to actually leave my partner, because I planned it all out before telling him, I found the horoscope email from Chani Nicholas and thought, why not, the eclipse is on a Friday! I really knew nothing of mundane astrology, and yet, I know because of the astrology of that year, I was transformed.
Eclipses as Turning Points
Eclipses are not a time to fuck with fate. I think the combination of my Solar Return chart and my own very cautious and prepared attitude toward the break-up helped me, but ultimately couldn’t have stopped the situation from being bad if it was really destined to be so. On top of that, Saturn conjoined Pluto for the first time since 1982 two days after the eclipse. I have to say, I will not be working with eclipses like this ever again, because I lived through this one. I don’t regret it overall, I just have a little wisdom for having lived it.
By monthly profection, January 9 was the start of a peak month in Pisces, my natal 7th house. Going back to my Firdaria period of Jupiter (ruler of my 4th house of home and 7th house of relationships) with Saturn, ruler of my 5th house of romance and pleasure and 6th house of labor, as the helper, an eclipse and stellium in Capricorn over that weekend spells big fated break up.
I, like the over-prepared Virgo rising that I am, I had keys to my new place, I had friends to pick me up promptly when I was done breaking up, I had, after my ex left for work that morning, packed a suitcase of belongings and hid it under the bed so I wouldn’t have to pack when I got home from work.
If this sounds logical or like a fantasy to you, perhaps it’s time for you to leave too. I guess that’s why I’m outlining this. You aren’t a bad person. People love you and, if you have friends like I do, will be disappointed that you already have a place and can’t just live in their guest bedroom for a few months, but will still move all your shit (thank you, Justine, Chelsea, Leda, and Matt). By this point Friday around 7:30 pm, break-up conversation being mostly shock on his part and relief on mine, I was left with euphoria. I left all those damn cups behind—they weren’t even mine anymore!
By the time the Saturn Pluto conjunction was exact that Sunday, I was all moved in. By transit, on the day of our last fight, Mars was at 29 Scorpio, and by the time I signed a lease Mars was on my IC in Sagittarius and my Mars return had begun. When we turn 32, we are blessed with a year where we have our Mars and Venus returns at the same time. I was only a month away from switching from the Jupiter Firdar to the Mars period. I see the Venus in the eclipse chart in my 6th house, close to my Sun and Mercury as my friends and family providing support with this move. In my 5th house the South Node was in Capricorn with Jupiter, ruler of my 4th and 7th house, signaling an end to my living with my partner.
Clouds Part: An Epilogue
So, of course, when the pandemic first started, I shared in the collective panic and heartache for those with covid and their loved ones and caretakers. But I also felt like the events of 2019 gifted me with the resourcefulness I gained with this break-up. I had already binged Star Trek: Voyager and eaten a lot of grilled cheese because I couldn’t cope with cooking yet. I was surrounded by a pocket of forest in my neighborhood, and just like the 8 of Cups card, I walked alongside the creek in those woods every day. I listened to astrology podcasts and read books, drinking it all in as I transitioned to a Taurus profection year in the 9th house ruled by my Aries Venus in the 8th, linking one set of choices to the next.
Slowly, I continued to tear down and build up my worlds until it became today. And I’m so happy to be here and to share it with you. Of course, there’s always more to the unfolding of my life, and I hope to continue to overshare my life through astrology with you here.
Check out Sam’s talk from NORWAC, “What The Firdaria?!” https://norwac.net/downloads/reynolds-samuel-what-the-firdaria-video/
i love this so much 🥹 thank for sharing this anna 💙